WHOCARESWGD

''This is a 12-year-old Pino Grigio''
''Bro, this tastes like water...''
''Ugh, there's floaties in this''
''That was human hair!''
''Oh fuck, there are leeches in the bottle''
''WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SHIT!?''
''We are going to die : (''

That may have been the procedure of reactions to what was literally something out of a horror movie last night. Our friend Lucas has been getting all kinds of free stuff from his aunt's house, and ''scored'' a big bottle of some white wine (or what used to be wine). It hadn't been opened in 12 years, so we all thought we were enjoying some fine aged spirit. Instead, we ingested 12 years worth of microbial growth. Our first though was that it was some strange, exotic drink that our pallets weren't accustomed to. It tasted slightly of olive oil. We even considered the fact that it may BE some kind of oil, but unfortunately that was not the case. It was truly wine that had gone horribly bad, and after a slight lack of appetite for it, everything went to hell when we poured the bottle out down the drain. Some kind of brown, snotty pulp had filled the bottom and it came out resembling a leech or period blood. 

Everyone instantly became nauseated, glasses fell and shattered on the ground as some needed to exit to go vomit in hopes of evicting the unwanted guests. No one was convinced that that would do the trick, so plan B was extermination by means of Smirnoff and Jim Beam. After that, no one really felt that great about anything. Some were convinced they had been severely contaminated, so we'll have to check in at a later stage for an update.

I'm fairly certain that air had just gotten into the bottle, which was really only half sealed. The other end of the cork was at the bottom of the bottle mixed with the muck. I hypothesize that every bit of organic matter in that bottle (grapes or whatever else it's fermented from) had become rancid and heavy and sank to the bottom. It would explain why what we drank kind of just tasted like water, because that was all that had remained. 12 years of putrefaction (decay) will do that.

Me, I think it's all in our heads.

And the night WAS salvaged by fresh baked cookies and pigs in a blanket. MMMMmmm.